apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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