she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
