forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
