Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
