your parents love me but you hate me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
