Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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