Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
