In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
