I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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