I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
