why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
