Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
