and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
