Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
