a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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