im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Please, let me fuck your mom
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
