this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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