***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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