I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
