Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
