My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I party with great urgency now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
