Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
