the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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