HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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