Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
