I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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