using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize