if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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