I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
