umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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