I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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