I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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