On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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