also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
