i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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