My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
