My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
