Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
