He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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