Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
