Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
