If that was your dad, he is hot
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
