And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
