Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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