Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize