My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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