A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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