What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
