i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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