listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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