The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
