i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
