i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
