you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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