That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
