Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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