Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
