Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
