Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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