God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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