i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
