Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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