Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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