Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The air was thick with penises
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize