Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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