So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
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I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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